The Mercy Papers

Robin Romm’s mother begins her final decline after fighting cancer for years and Romm heads up to Oregon to be by her side. The author invites us into her final three weeks with her mother as they battle death, crazy hospice nurses, relatives with ulterior motives, and a grandfather who has trouble thinking about anyone but himself. Romm takes us into her own confused and agonized heart as she desperately tries to hold onto this woman who was her world for her whole life. We learn about how ugly and uncomfortable death can be for the patient and the family caregivers. The author struggles to reconcile the reality of what is happening to her mother with the incredibly strong woman that she was her whole life and especially in her law practice. Throughout the book are examples of things that go wrong with professional caregivers and doctors and nurses. Romm is not shy about telling it like it is, down to the antics in a house full of cats and dogs that all barely get along. This story is at once poignant and a slap in the face to the notion that death is this sterile and beautiful thing ushered gently along by hospice saints. The writing is highly descriptive and I often felt like I really understood and could feel what Romm was feeling. Along the way we learn that there really is no hiding from the agony of loss. The author is often angry and projects that onto everyone and everything around her. This rings true, as one of the things hospice volunteers, chaplains, and counselors tell the loved ones of people who are dying, is that they will have strong feelings of anger and even rage that will be quite physical. Cicely Saunders famously told people faced with premature loss, to have a rubber hose they could hit a mattress with repeatedly to express that anger in a healthy, non-destructive way. Every death is different and this book provides an intimate look into the experience of a daughter losing her beloved mother way too soon.